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Michael Scott Quotes From ‘The Office’ That Are Comedy Gold

By

Brittany Alexandra Sulc

, updated on

December 20, 2024

Michael Scott is, well, what isn't he? He's like your cringy dad, your best friend, your favorite boss and a politically incorrect nightmare wrapped up in a slightly too big suit. He loves himself and hates himself at the same time, and what could make him more relatable than that? 

"The Office" has no shortage of lovable characters, but Michael Scott is our favorite. And these Michael Scott quotes remind us that the show would have been nothing without him.

It's 2022. It's Time to Get Hurt Again.

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Michael Scott's love life is painfully relatable. How does one even meet someone without writing an awkward bio on a dating app these days? 

Sounds Healthy

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So you'd like a collection of insecure stalkers? Come to think of it, Michael would have loved that.

Murder. NBD.

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It's not 2002 anymore. Bleached boyband hair is a red flag. Ryan was obviously the worst, and we have no idea how Michael didn't see it.

Close Enough

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CPR is more relaxing than we remembered. The patient seems calm, so it's probably fine.

Michael Might Roast Himself More Than Any Other Character

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Michael's combination of unbridled confidence and total lack of self-esteem is why we love him.

Oh, So It’s the Employees Making Him Look Bad. Right.

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Takes one to know one, Michael.

We Will Be Using This Michael Scott Quote Daily

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Can we use this excuse to avoid family reunions? At least it's honest.

Bonus: You'll never be invited again.

Nothing Like Some Healthy Competition

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Behold, the words of a leader. Majestic.

Michael Scott Really Was a Danger to Himself, Wasn’t He?

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Michael Scott is one of the few individuals who could land himself on a sex offenders registry completely by accident.

One of Michael’s Most Relatable, Pasta-Related Predicaments

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Since capital punishment is banned, we should just force prisoners to work out the day after Thanksgiving. That might be worse.

Starting a New Self-Care Resolution Is Equal Parts Humbling and Horrifying

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Why do so many things that are good for you feel so not?

Michael Scott, Shockingly, Isn’t Always Right

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Michael Scott wouldn't last 11 minutes without a visit from HR in a real office.

Been There, Done That

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No work, no money. No money, no clothes. No clothes, no laundry. Problem solved.

That’s Like Playing Tokyo Drift and Then Trying to Join NASCAR

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We've raced cars in video games before, so I'd say we're ready for NASCAR.

Michael Somehow Has No Confidence and Too Much at the Same Time

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We can respect Michael's clinginess, but why cling to Jan? She was a nightmare.

He’s Practically the Father of Dad Jokes

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What a Normal Question to Ask an Employee

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Michael Scott Was Basically an HR Nightmare

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The Audacity

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Michael Scott’s Ideas Aren’t Always Good. Or Legal.

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It’s Also a Good Thing He Didn’t Quit Dunder Mifflin to Become a Sommelier

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Possibly the Healthiest Coping Mechanism Ever

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Someone Has Definitely Used This Michael Scott Quote in Court

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Michael, No.

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There’s No Telling What He Might Do

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Including Offend Numerous Clients and Coworkers

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Seriously, How Did Michael Never Get Fired?

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Michael Scott Tried to Flex About the Weirdest Things, and We Love Him for It

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That One Time He Tried to Comfort Acne Sufferers, and It Sort of Worked

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Once Beyonce, Always Beyonce.

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That’s Deep.

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We Hope Our Midlife Crises Look Something Like This

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The Confidence Rolls Off Him in Waves

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Did He Not Learn the Definition of Hate, Or ...?

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When You Panic During a Prank Call

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Where Are My Terrible Parallel Parkers At?

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Aaaand Mic Drop

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